Friday, April 28, 2006


My computer has exploded. I'm not joking. I didn't abandon my non-adoring, non-fans to walk the hallowed halls of cyberspace alone for naught.

Also, the mail has lost another one of my netflix dvds. I think that someone is stealing them from my mailman right when he walks out of my building.

I'm not writing much today (or any day in the near future) because I am at the library computer station, and I don't like this computer at all. Plus, I am near death.

I have finished the basket set for my cousin's wedding, and now I have a large blister on the inside of my ring finger.

I finally mustered the courage to begin the second half of the stuffed animal that I'm making for my niece. That's the problem with not using patterns, the first arm and leg are easy, but then you have to match the other side. Generally I end up with one foot that is quite a bit larger than the other one. I have noticed, however, that when you crochet for 4 year olds, they don't really care. Hmmph.

ok. I must go and look at the needlework section.

Taa taa....and stuff.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Anyone who disagrees with me had better step forward and explain his recalcitrance at once.

Hello, my name is Heather, and I am a very very bad person. In fact, I may be the worst person ever. Ok, not really. I'm pretty sure that Stalin still has me beat. I just bought craploads of stuff from ebay, even though I have no money. He killed millions of his fellow countrymen.

Ok, maybe I am worse.

Seriously, I had no choice. I bought some 100% baby alpaca, because I've always wanted to try it, and because it was really cheap. I also bought a big bunch of vintage craft (crochet, embroidery, needlepoint) books. Anyone who knows me would know that I am totally helpless in the face of vintage craft books or magazines. Seriously, if anyone has some old McCalls needlework magazines, or Crochet Fantasy mags from the 80's that they want to get rid of, I'm your girl. I'm not joking. Send them over. Now.

Speaking of vintage....
I took the table cloth off of my table in an attempt to make my house look springy/summerier (my tablecloth is dark linen). However, I don't want my wood table (also vintage) to get all cruddy and yuck-topped, so I now need some placemat thingies. I couldn't find any that I liked in the store, so I decided to make some. Superhubby says he would like a nice burnt-orange color. I looked at the yarn shop, and couldn't find anything good, and then I thought, "burnt-orange? Burnt-orange = vintage! I have craploads of old yarn, I bet there is a bunch of that color!" Not only did I find burnt orange in the vintage stash....It is SPARKLY burnt orange. It is majestic. I am in awe. However, it is wound in the crappiest center pull skeins I have ever seen. I have to sit and manually unravel this yarn every 2 minutes.

it will all be worth it when my sparkly place mats bring about world peace.

There is a crazy junior high teenage girl sleepover going on in my roof.

Oh, yeah, I also ordered some stuff from Jo-Ann online! I finally bought the Embellish-knit machine. I'm hoping that turns out ok. I've been trying to buy it at my Jo-Ann store, but they are always out when I have the money.

I told you...Stalin has a bad rap.

And now, I am going to go, because The Aristocrats finally came from netflix, and I need to watch it now. I must see it because I am in love with Sarah Silverman. She made me vomit coffee once. It was like heaven.

I'll probably post later....if you're lucky.

Friday, April 14, 2006

He pressed her fragrant fingertips to his lips and remorselessly told her the hideous truth.

I have not posted in multiple days because I have been completely cracked out.

Now that I have that disclaimer...I finished the large hat, and then I decided that the time is just not right for the small hat, so I made Brandon a new x-mas stocking instead! It has skulls done in intarsia and everything! I am so proud. After I did that, I started on this neat bag thing. I just got that done this morning, lined and beaded and I said...crack.

Also, we bought a new car. It is a Malibu Maxx, and it is fantisimo... it is a very nice cranberry sort of color.

Alexander had his first "playdate" ever. It was exciting.

I bought the best pair of pants ever from the Anthropologie store in Birmingham. They are black (yay) and comfy (yay) they make me look littler (yay) and they are a size smaller than I normally wear (yayyayyay). Anyway. I am not really in the mood to post all that much.

I must write, though, that I ordered some back-issues from Interweave and they showed up...very quick, and very satisfied. Me and the family went to Borders today to look at books. I checked out quite a few of the new(er) knitting books. (there are only 6 crochet books in the store, and one mag.) I found a couple really neat ones.

ok, thats it...

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

The suspect removed his grimy white gloves, but another pair lurked beneath.

I am a slacker. There is no other way to put it. All I did yesterday was the bootie. (hence, no finishing of the large hat, no beginning of the small hat.) All I can say is that I'm not a machine, and sometimes I have to wait for the muse to call....
Plus, we had to do our taxes. "Argghh", is all I have to say about that. Now, I don't want to talk bad about our tax lady, because she was very nice, and she really did try hard and everything. She took the extra (inordinately long) time to make sure that everything would work. However, at points in the three hour ordeal, it did seem that she had no idea about how taxation worked.
You see, we did not do our own taxes because Brandon has a weird work, and he had a month of unemployment last year, and we didn't want to deal with subpay and unemployment forms and whatnot. There was also a weird issue, where GM sent him an extra W2 form, for Lansing, with no taxes taken out at all. This is crazy, because Brandon has not worked or lived in Lansing in the past year. GM is insane. So, granted, these things made our returns a little more complicated than usual, but then there were the other problems. The lady said that she had to deal with the weird W2 in this particular way, and because of that, we cannot e-file. AND, after we thought that everything was done, and we were about to leave, I said, "So, we don't have to file city taxes this year? Or what?". To which she said, "Oh, did you want to file city taxes?". And I said,"Well, don't you HAVE to file city taxes? Brandon worked in Pontiac and Detroit last year, don't we at least have to file both of those?" She said, "well, I guess you are right, hold on, I'll get the papers out, and we will just fill them in." Thats right. We had to fill in the normal papers, by ourselves, at the tax preparers office, because the tax specialist forgot that people have to file city taxes. This is where the eyes of the tax preparees started to roll.

I guess it is all ok, though. They are all in the mail, and we only have to wait two months to see if she screwed up or not.

In other news, Alexander is in "Archeology Camp" this week. (I love Bloomfield Hills public schools.) They have special camps, one in fall, one in spring, where they focus on one topic, everybody in the school, for a whole week. Parents can elect to have their child participate (and pay the fee), or they get a week of vacation. Since Alexander can use all the school that he can get, and because archeology camp is bad ass, we signed him up. Today they went to the school farm complex. (I love Bloomfield Hills schools.) They dug up "fossils". I think that I may have done a bad thing when I was trying to explain what an archeologist is. I told him that Alan Grant from Jurassic Park was one, and also, the neat lady from The Mummy. I think that he was expecting to see dinosaurs (living) and Mummies (walking and making cool windstorms) at school today. Oh well, I suppose he should get used to disappointment.

The subject of the fall focus was physics. Yes, my son is in kindergarten, and he was at a week-long physics camp. And it worked. He knows all about wedges and wheel and axles. For a long time after the camp was over, he was obsessed with building machines, and his bedroom was officially called "the lab".

Brandon and I have a whole list of things that we have to do in the next two weeks. We have a lot more time than usual, because this week Alexander is at school full day, and next week he has spring break. Today we got the taxes out of the way. I just ordered printer ink. (so I can finally print out some of the free crochet patterns I find on line, I can't crochet from a pattern on the computer screen.) We also have to get our vacuum repaired, get a new windshield for our car, find a new car that we want to buy, get our dry cleaning done, go grocery shopping, reformat the computer, and find new doctors and dentists.

These things would be much easier to do, except that we have only between 9am and 2pm everyday to do things. They have closed all of the highways on the west side of metro detroit, and so Brandon has to leave for work 2 hours early to get there on time. He has to drive all city streets into the D. He is not happy with this arrangement. He was late 3 days in a row last week, and he got a write up for it. (hence, now leaving so early) He is really hoping to get transferred back to Pontiac now, seeing as that is only 10 minutes away from us, and the highways are supposed to be closed until October. (making sad face)

We are going to visit my grandmas for Easter this weekend. I expect craziness. ok, I can work on my hookin for about 2 hours, before I have to get the boys up for the morning, so I will be on my way. Try not to cry...

Monday, April 10, 2006

Because you hadn't noticed the manic-depression yet.

ok, just quickly...

Have not finished the hats yet...

I went into Birmingham today, and I was just walking around, and I discovered a little yarn shop.....So I had to go in....

And because I already had the magazines that they carry, and I have to buy something when I go in a LYS....I bought a very cute little ball of yarn. (just one!) hold on, let me see if I can find the band....ok...It is in Italian, and it says Mondial and Soraya...One of those is the brand, and the other is the style name. Any way, it is very pretty and nice. It is 70% virgin wool, and 30% acrylic. I told Brandon that I bought it to make baby booties for his friend's new baby (shower in the end of April). He doesn't think its so bad if I have an actual concrete reason for buying the yarn. So I started on them right when I got home. I got one done (15 minutes) and I'll do the other one tonight. I will also finish the first (Large) hat, and do at least the bill pieces on the small one. I'm in kind of a rush for these things. I want to give the hat to Grandma Emma when I see her this weekend. I also have to get working on those nested baskets for my cousin's wedding. I love it when I have lots of projects to do...and I really like it when there are deadlines for them too. You should see how productive I am a month before Christmas. ( I love giving presents, can you tell?)

Ok...more crochet, less blog starts now. Will write again later, when I have a new bootie and hat...

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Where I talk about yarn, and convince you to buy books.

Ah, chaps, it seems today I've slept. And when I woke up, it was not Saturday anymore. So, no bother.

I'm working on a hat for Grandma Emma (Brandon's Grandma). When she was visiting a few months ago, she saw these vintage magazines that I've got lying around, and she really liked the old 70's style newsboy hats. She told me she's always wanted one of those, but could never find one that was just what she wanted. Well...I bought an old crochet magazine the other day, and inside was a pattern for the exact newsboy hat that she wanted. It has front post cables coming down from the top. The only problem is that I made the wrong size. I measured some of my hats to see which size to make, and the measurements lead me to go with size large, and I assumed that small was a kid size. Well, I just finished that size large, and it is huge. It is not like a newsboy cap, its like a Rastafarian tam. I'm thinking that because the hat is supposed to sit more on top of the head than around it, that the measurements don't correspond to my other hats. So, I'm going to make her one in size small. I guess the upside to this is that I love tams, and so I'll keep the size large. I made it out of two strands of yarn held together, one of them was a light beige colored acrylic, and the other was more of a medium taupe in a really slubby silk. When worked together, they make a really cool tweedy effect. The size large only took about 2 days to finish, so the small should be pretty darn fast.

The family and I went to a new yarn store today, and I was VERY pleasantly surprised. I was looking through our local little newspaper the other day, and I came across a little ad for this shop, Ewe-nique Knits, in Royal Oak, Michigan. The ad was for a clearance sale that they were putting on, and they advertised 50% off the sale yarns, and 20% off everything else, plus, if you brought in the ad, they give you an extra 15% off clearance prices! I was very excited, so we were there when the store opened this morning. The store was beautiful, and they have a very nice selection. The clearance section was HUGE! They had two big tables in the middle of the store, and bins were heaping. There were some very nice things, and I bought a bunch of neat stuff, even though I'm not supposed to buy yarn right now. (oops) Brandon even liked this store, and he is normally a little bored when I shop for yarn. He offered to buy me a 25.00 skein of hand painted sock yarn... I said no, because I am too cheap. I also signed up for their mailing list, so I can make it to more sales!

Ok, so now I'm going to review my favorite crochet book of all time. It is the only craft book that I have ever paid full price for right off the bookstore shelf. Of course, I felt really stupid about that when I saw it on Amazon the next day for half price, but oh well, its still worth it.

- Lion Brand Yarn, Vintage Styles for Today, edited by Nancy J. Thomas and Charlotte J. Quiggle

This book has both knitting and crochet patterns in it, but I don't mind, because most of the knitting patterns could be figured out in crochet pretty easily if you tried. They show you vintage photos of ladies looking fabulous, and then they remake the item for modern times and in Lion Brand yarns, of course. Some of these designs, they really should have stayed closer to the original look, instead of "updating" them so much. For instance, you don't need to use fun fur on everything. You just don't.

Anyway, the really good projects:
Easy knit sweater jacket (sort of kimono-y looking), knitted sweater coat (looks awesome), a neat looking cutaway coat in crochet, cool knitted vest, boxy crochet vest, poet shrug in crochet (my favorite), really neat looking knitted wrap in a basketweave kind of pattern (very suffragette), a crochet lacy shawl, a warmer crochet shawl, a cute knitted sailor sweater for little girls, a non-embarrassing knitted dog sweater, a bunch of unusual hats with matching scarves or muffs (really different from what you normally see), two cute baby hats and a crocheted baby kimono, wristlets and gauntlets in knit and crochet styles, mittens and gloves in knit, a great looking knitted stripy sock, a couple of nice throw blankets and a crochet hot water bottle cover.

not quite as cool: a couple of bland sweaters that would probably look much better if they were just done in different colors, a couple of average looking shrugs and stoles.

All of the patterns are nice looking, and I would say that if you like vintage style at all, and you could only buy one book, this one would be a good investment. You get a little bit of everything, and the patterns really lend themselves to variation. You could completely change the way something looked with just different color or yarn texture. I love books that show you one way to do things, but then leave you options to experiment. Another thing that I like about this book is that they show you what yarn they recommend, and tell you the fiber content and the weight of the yarn, so that it would be easy to substitute if you wanted to. A lot of books just say what yarn they used, and that's it. You don't know if it is worsted or superbulky. Lion brand has a whole range of yarn types, so it actually benefits them to do this. Plus, Lion Brand is pretty affordable most of the time, so you know that the projects won't cost you hundreds of dollars to make. I am sick of sweater patterns where the yarn would cost you 300 dollars to buy. At that point, you can go get a couple of nice cashmere sweaters from a store, you know? I simply cannot abide by 100 dollar scarves.

While I'm on a commentary roll, here, I will tell you about my favorite knitting book. You might say, "but, lady, you don't knit!". And I would say, "I KNOW, BUT THIS BOOK IS AWESOME!". I read a review of this book before, and I didn't believe that it could be as good as they said, but then I happened to see it at my craft store, and I flipped through it. It is better.

-Handknit Holidays, by Melanie Falick

This is not an average holiday craft book. There is nothing cheesy in it at all. I was so surprised. This book has stuff from the novice knitter to a very accomplished pro. It even has things that you can make without actually being able to knit! There are a lot of things in here that I could make in crochet without a pattern of any kind. There are decorations, gifts, gift-wrappiness, anything you could think of. The designs are all very modern, in a really homey kind of way, which I really like. The color schemes that they use are really nice, but they are also very customizable, if they are not up your alley. Most of the stuff is not religious specific, but there are a couple of stockings, and there is a neat looking cabled menorah pillow. The decorations are mostly things like garlands or ornaments, and you can use those any way you want. There are table cloths and runners that are not religion specific. There are nice keep-warn accessories, and also pretty things to wear to a party. They make a really good effort to provide a whole range of gifty ideas. More labor intensive gifts- maybe for a close family member or best friend, there are sweaters and beautiful wraps and toys. There are also really quick projects, like inventive or kitschy hats and scarves, socks, ornaments, little bags, accessories, or quick and easy shawls.
I am planning on creating a ton of these ideas in crochet. The book is very nicely photographed, and most things have more than one picture. The pictures actually show the whole item. There are also nice diagrams for finishing and patterns.

This book costed 28dollars at my craft store. I waited until I got a 40% off coupon, so it was decently priced. However, there are more nice projects in here than you would normally find in 5 holiday books combined, so even at full price, it is a pretty good value.

Friday, April 07, 2006

La la la la.....oh...hello...

Hey there kids....

woo, that's all I really wanted to write...

damn, I am a bad blogger.

Brandon is in the living room watching Cowboy Bebop. We just got back from the 24 hour laundry mat....because my DOG peed on my blanket. It is a huge king size blanket, and it can only be washed in a triple loader machine, and so, at 3:00 AM, we went all the way across town to wash my blanket. After I kicked Remy's ass. Ok, not really. Because he is cute.

I didn't even tell you about our new Hamsters. There are two. Their names are Lulu and Agnes, and they are known collectively as The Ladies. All the rest of our pets are boys. There is just Me, and The Ladies, holdin it down.

Remy hates The Ladies. He is very jealous. He wants them dead. It is a very good thing that they live in a very tricky cage, and that Remy has no thumbs, or they would be done for. The Ladies do really like ganging up on Remy, so its not really his fault. They have one of those ball things, to run around the house, and we put both of them in it together, and they chase Remy all over the house. He wants to cry.

My mom sent Remy a new toy in the mail yesterday. It is a little purple squeaky teddy bear. And Remy loves it. He sort of acted like a real dog for a few hours. He played fetch with it.

But now he has wearied of our cheap games. He has decided not to bring his baby back to me any more, because he knows that I will just squeak it a few times and then throw it again, and what's the point in that?

Anyway...I don't really feel like doing the book things right at this moment, so probably later on today I'll get to them. I'm starting a new project today, and I'm in the middle of taking over the world. I've got a really good game of Civilization going, where I am The Netherlands. Who ever thought that The Netherlands would ever rule the world? Even in jest?

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Why I don't have a credit card anymore.

I recently went on a rampage and bought a whole bunch of beautiful crochet and knit books for my viewing pleasure. Some of these books, I must say, were much better than others. Because I care about all of my internet friends, I will let everyone in on these books, and what is in them.

(in no particular order)

1. Hip to Crochet, By Judith L. Swartz

The first time I looked through this book, I thought I would vomit. I complained to Brandon copiously about my error in buying a book without looking at it first. However, upon re-looking a couple of times, I have found quite a few things worth making.
good projects: cute mohair hats (but very basic, nothing really special), a nice cloche hat, a felted messenger-style bag (would be cute if you customized colors, or did some intarsia on the flap to make it interesting), tank top made of ribbon yarn (basic style), lacey cardigan with granny squares (done tastefully! I normally hate granny square things, but this is pretty), a granny square skirt (not for everyone, but it could be really cute on the right person), coat sweater (picture shows it with a big granny square in the back, but you could just as easily make the back solid), nesting baskets (set of three, I'm making these for my cousin as a wedding present), neat looking pillow cover with popcorn stitch bumps, granny square style pillow cover (done in nice looking metallicy/rich colored yarn, makes it look more exotic than usual).

Bad projects (when they are bad, they are really bad.): mittens with horrible fringe on them, "retro bed slippers" (these are really pretty ugly, and there are lots of nice looking slipper patterns out there), THE CROCHETED SUIT! (yes, a skirt suit made of yarn...and it is terrible. This is what originally made me think this book was so bad, it temporarily blinded me to any good things), "organic baskets"- maybe this sounded like a good idea to them, sort of arty or something, but they look like you were trying to make a normal basket, but you just sucked really bad at it.

in the interest of full disclosure, there were some things that weren't listed in either the good or bad categories, because they were bland, and not very cool, but they weren't terrible. There are a couple of scarves, two small bags (not practical for me at all, I like them big and glorious), and a totally average capelet thing.

Over all rating: B (would have been A-, except for that suit thing. Trust me.)

2. Hooked on Crochet (20 Sassy Projects), by Candi Jensen

The biggest problem with this book is that its so dang average. Most of the stuff is not horrible, but hardly any of it was really great, either. If you only have, like, one other book, and it is all afghans, then this would probably be nice for you. Also, most things are either beginner, or expert, not a lot of things for the medium proficiency crocheter.

good projects: nice lacy sleeveless shell, baby sweater, cute openwork dress, Chanel style jacket, lacy openwork skirt, diamond square pillow.

There is also a bikini, a shawl, a bunch of hats and scarves (nothing to write home about), and a couple of basic bags. I guess the thing I really don't like about this book is that half of the book is about stupid decorative edgings...I hate jeans with little granny squares sewn on, or shirts that looked nice until someone crochets a weird lacy bell sleeve onto it....If you like those sorts of things, you may be six years old. You also may like this book. I don't know.

Overall rating:B good if you like that sort of thing, but really not for everyone.

3. Crocheting School (a Complete Course), Sterling Publishing

This book is a little different, it doesn't have patterns or anything, it has instructions on techniques. It is really pretty good for intermediate or advanced crocheters who want to learn more obscure things, or are into designing their own stuff. This book won't help you all that much if you only work from patterns. It has hairpin lace, Irish lace, Tunisian crochet (lots of cool techniques with this), borders, Belgian lace, two-color jacquard, broomstick lace, cords, inserts, loom patterns, crocheted ribbons, interlocking rings, and a whole ton more. There are really nice pictures of everything, and there is no space wasted with fluff in this book. It is very straight-forward.

I showed it to my mom, and she forced me to buy one for her too...

Overall rating: A....Even if you are a beginner, if you ever plan on being intermediate or advanced, this would be a good book for future reference or daydreaming...

Ok...I am sick of typing, so tomorrow I will review more books.


crochet! crochet! crochet!

Today my husband decided to get up before noon. (he works 2nd shift) To celebrate this development, I forced him to take me to a yarn store that I saw advertised in Vogue Knitting. It took us about an hour to find it, because it is located inside of this building that didn't look like it had stuff in it.

In any case, today we adventured in "Knit!Knit!Knit!". Obviously they think of themselves as a knitting store, but I didn't hold that against them. Apparently, when we travel together, my husband and I look like the kind of people you don't want in your yarn store. I guess I can't blame them, the circumstances may have looked odd. You see, I didn't go there to buy yarn. I'm not allowed to buy yarn for 3 months. It's a deal that me and superhubby made. I can't buy yarn, and he can't buy cookies.

So, I didn't want to buy any yarn, and I was totally uninterested in looking at the wall of knitting patterns that they wanted to introduce me to, but that's because I don't knit. We just wanted to look around, and see all the pretties. And there were MANY pretties. However, our lack of buying, and Hubby's leather trench coat, and my big yarn bag combined to make the shop people very obviously uncomfortable.

I ended up buying one of those little knitting spools, to make I-cords and whatnot...and i got a back issue of Family Circle Easy Crochet from a couple of years ago, with some great patterns in it. So the trip was not horrible. I will have to go back there some day with my SuperSon, who loves to look at yarn (and touch yarn) and then they will really be scared.

Ok, I'm done typing for now, but I will be back later to review some of my new crochet and knit books.

Oh, act like you care...just a little...

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

I am post-alicious!

I know that all of you non-fans of the Hooker are wondering what's with all of the posting all of a sudden.....

Mind your own business...

Be gratefull...
bow and scrape....

And now I will tell you about something awesome!
All of you who are crocheters/knitters/ should head on over to the Interweave knits webpage. They have a really neat yarn exchange going on. You will go there and sign up for it now. Because I say. You will obey, and stuff...

And now for something completely not as awesome...We here at the lair have aquired this new coffee...ok, we joined the Gevalia coffee club...we got a free coffee maker. (see post below where world almost ended) Everything was going fine until we got this Hazelnut flavored coffee. I'll have to tell you that it's not good. I changed our preferences, so we won't get any more of it, but we still have to drink it.

Because I am cheap....and we paid money for it.

My birthday is coming up soon! (July) (ok, it's not soon at all) If anyone would like to buy me a kickass birthday present, they could buy me a Compost-Tumbler. I don't need the real big one...the porch version would be fine. Man-o-man...with a little beaut like that.....damn.....I mean...garbage beware!

Because the lair is located in a very affluent community, filled with people who throw away EVERYTHING, there is not any sort of recycling program at all. I have to drive down into Detroit in order to go to their free 24-hour recycling center. This makes me very mad sometimes.

NPR is having the spring pledge drive this week....lonely times for this hooker.

It is very difficult to get anything done in a day withouth the calming influence of the NPR coursing through my veins...I'm still in my pajamas...its almost 7pm...and I don't care.

OOOOHHH...Kai Risdall....sorry, gotta go....

Book Review part Deux!

I wrote this review a long time ago, but never put it up anywhere, so I will now, even though everyone in the free world has read this book....

The DaVinci Code, By Dan Brown

CRAP! Utter crap! No, seriously. You see, I only read this book because I love Catholic conspiracy stories. The thing is, this is totally not a real conspiracy story. At the beginning you think it might be, but then it devolves into an adult version of The Codebreaker Kids. It's almost like Dan Brown got sick of writing after page 100.

I mean, really, was this book supposed to be thrilling? Or suspenseful? Or controversial? If you have ever read a book on the occult- even if you were twelve when you read it, then you would find Brown's posturing and showiness embarassing.

The only good character in the book is Silas the albino monk, and pretty much all the rest of them are so predictable that it hurts. I actually felt bad for the author. That was the best he could do. That is definately the last time I read anything on a best seller list or under "thriller".

I hate this book.

Instead: Rent Stigmata and The Order and whip yourself with knotted phone cords. It hurts sooo good.

Book review!

For my first book review, I will inform you about:

Where Shall Wisdom Be Found? by Harold Bloom (I can't find the underline)

Ok, so I bought this book because my bookclub made it sound really cool, like it would have some good insights and stuff. Well, they were only a little bit right, but mostly they were horribly mislead. Maybe they only read the first chapter, which (cruelly), was decent. He tries to explain the purpose of the book in the preface, but I still have no real idea of what his definition of "wisdom writing" is. Mostly, I think he means writing that makes old people feel better about being old, approaching death, and facing the deaths of thier friends/loved ones. Fair enough.

However, after the first chapter, which talks about two books of the bible, Job and Ecclesiastes, he spends pretty much the whole rest of the book talking about how good Shakespeare is, and how everyone else should just give up because they have no chance of ever being that cool. The chapter on Montaigne was good, and the bit on Emerson was decent. I can only assume that this is because Shakespeare didn't write essays, and so they were allowed to try thier hand at it.

The author, aside from having a really horrible writing style, is also a huge prude. I mean it. He is like an uber-crotchety version of the masterpiece theatre guy. He teaches at Yale, and I can just see him there, clutching his heart medicine and grumbling about the hooligans who could dare think that Tolstoy was a better novelist than Cervantes. (swoon)

He's actually kind of creepy when it comes to Shakespeare. I think he touches himself a lot.

Don't read this book. It will give you glaucoma and you will never see again.

Instead: Have a wine and cheese party. Glue on a fake mustache and walk around saying swarthy things about vases or natural beauty.

cameras are sooo bourgeoisie...

Ok, folkses, I have decided to give up the dream of putting pictures in my blog, because the camera is a rat bastard, and I will be sacrificing it under the next full moon.
you don't have to feel sorry for the camera, it's broken on purpose.

It doesn't want you to see the beautiful pictures...

So, I was thinking that it may be a good time to go ahead and switch gears on el-bloggadora, because I will feel stupid describing my projects to you. If we ever decide to replace the recalcitrant digital camera with one that will bow to my wishes, then the picture part of the blog will recommence...
until then...